Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

I guess this is about it...

For those who knew what happened, don't worry - I am still here. In Beijing. Surviving.

Can't really work these days.

Worsestill, can't hear my heart beat.

It has stopped.

Sadly, I chose to stop it. I forced it to stop. Reluctantly.

I hate myself.

Really.

Why do I have to think into the future?

But yet.

I was described by everyone as too romantic, too idealistic.

If I want to live my ideal life, I had to.

Sometime I need to let go. For a while perhaps.

Thanks to my friends - I had been able to let go some of it. You guys know who you are :)

Too many things happened. Too many things I don't want to type here. It's too much for me to bear...

But I still care.

I'm leaving soon - what hope is there?

Tell me.

I had rather want to believe that there is than there isn't.

I know - Love should be unconditional, but relationship to a certain extent shouldn't. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think friendship, even romantic relationship, is about giving and taking. Only with mutual giving can the relationship be one of an healthy one. Only with mutual understanding and trust can the relationship be one of a successful one. Only with mutual communication can the relationship be a true relationship. Without these 3 elements - I don't think a relationship can be one of a successful one.

Once you lost either one of them - this relationship is doomed to fail. At least that's what I believe for the time being.

I don't know what I still have the energy to type.

Tell me - who ever you are. What have I done right? What have I done wrong? Or if you don't know what happened, tell me what I should be considering or thinking...

I don't know how long can my toughness and rational side of my mind can support me.

Too tired to say anything right now.

Whatever

I'm not saying we are hopeless.

But I'm not saying I am confident.

I don't want a thousand words soaked in syrup,

Nor do I want beautiful flowers sprayed with water.

All I want is simple -

You.

Know.

What.

Unbreakable.

Don't tell me you do while you are doing the donts.

Don't tell me you want while you are acting as if you don't.

Ignorance broke my switch, and you can be

Damn sure it will not switch on its own.

If you want it turned on, do it yourself.

No one can help you. No one.

30 days.

It might work. It might not.

Who knows?

It will not work if you don't try.

It might not work if you do try.

The choice lies in front of your very eyes.

It's simple. It's that simple.

I'm falling.

Down.

To. A Whole New World.

Ah. Oh well.

I say whatever.

"to be calm and fair. to be wise and considerate. to be strong-willed and independent. to be humble and obedient. to be truthful and sincere. to be direct and concise. to be elaborate and accurate. to be creative and anxious. to be jovial and puerile. to be eloquent and responsible. to be respected. to be understood. to be dependable. to be who i am. to be exactly who you need at the exact moment you need it. to be everything at once or to be only one. to start from the end."

Quoted from a true friend of mine.

Oh...promised my friends to post my MSN: jimmykojunior@yahoo.com